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Ready to be happy with ME!

04 June 2014

I wish I was pretty. I wish I could be picture perfect, with beautiful, smooth skin, free of stretch marks, scars. I wish I had a flat stomach, beautiful curves, that seem to flow so perfectly into each other. I wish my teeth were straight, and stain free. Sparkly white, a smile that would light up an entire room. I wish my personality was to die for. For people to fall in love with me and enjoy being around me. I wish my emotions wouldn't keep me hiding. That I can go into a crowd without fear of rejection or scrutiny over my flaws. I wish that I could go out in public, and not panic or sweat for fear that maybe my clothes don't fit right or worry if my rolls are showing.  I wish my mind would allow me to accept that I AM BEAUTIFUL and that I DO NOT NEED TO BE PERFECT to be beautiful. I wish that I could believe it when the ones I love, tell me how much they love me and how wonderful they think I am.

I know I'm not the only one. Thoughts, negativity, and stares, seem to follow me.  Most of those were created in my mind, but are still real to me.  I would look in the mirror, and see something I didn't feel inside. I never felt good enough for anyone. My entire life I felt this way. I always felt inadequate as a kid, a teen, a daughter, a mother, and a wife. It's hard to expose myself like this. I have everything I could ever want. 2 beautiful children, a wonderful husband, who loves me unconditionally, a family that supports me, a home, the ability to stay home and take care of my kids, food on the table, clothes on our back, and yet, I feel like my world is just crumbling around me.

I recently went through some weight gain. It's like a friggin' roller coaster! I will lose weight, and start feeling good and healthy, and then suddenly, I hit a mental brick wall, where all motivation just dies, and back comes the weight. It's been a rough year for me, mentally and physically. Dealing with my demons, and coming to terms with things I will never be able to change. This has been the hardest thing to admit to myself.

 I CAN'T CHANGE THINGS THAT I CAN'T EVEN CONTROL!

 The only thing I can control is how I feel about myself. I can change my health. So with this post, I ask you to join me in a journey, to find our self confidence and self worth. To have healthier minds and bodies and lead happier lives. It's easier said than done, but with the right people and the right support, we can all do this. Know you are worthy of happiness and love, and you ARE beautiful. Let's do this, together.

Are you ready to be HAPPY?

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